by Tierra Cooper
When I was a child I had a dream that seemed to occur quite often. I would have a note of sadness brewing deep from inside the pit of my stomach. I would sit and wonder if I could crawl inside of myself and hide. It was a sadness that seemed as if it would never go away. I could have gone into a deep depression, but my body new it was just a dream. It knew that the walls of sadness that plagued my mind during sleep would turn into vapors once the lids to my soul opened up. My body had a way of protecting itself from things like that.
As the sadness began to intensify something strange would happen. I would feel this calming spirit rise up and the sadness had to vacate the space in which it held its ground firmly. I would notice a figure coming closer and closer to me. I at that moment was not afraid, but drawn to whatever it was. Time would pass and the figure would become noticeable and unnoticeable at the same time. By this I mean I knew the figure was a child just like me, but I could never see their face clearly. I assumed it was a boy, but I never had proof either.
We would grab one another hands and proceed to go about our happy “dream” adventures. The holding of each others hands was a natural as one breathing. It is never a thought to breathe in and out, one’s body just does it as a defense against death. Just as natural as the body wants to stay alive our hand holding fell into that life-saving state. His hand would reach out to mine and our hands became one. It was as if his birth left an open spot on his hand and my birth was the missing part, once our hands touched the became one. I could feel his heart beating in my palms. Eventually, I could not decipher whose heartbeat was whose. All I knew was that I was happy and the sadness was gone.
Most of the dream felt overwhelming; not in a bad sense, but like so many emotions rolling about that my body did not know what to do. I felt as if I had my choice of everything wonderful laying on a shelf and all I had to do was reach up a take my fill. We did a lot of things together in this dream, but one thing stuck out more than anything else. My dream friend and I would go to some type of amusement park. It was not like a regular park with roller coaster; games, food court, and plenty patriots fighting to get threw long lines.
Next, we would pass a haystack with a shiny object centered in the middle. The haystack resembled one of the pyramids in Egypt, but made of hay instead of bricks. Each layer drew you to the layer above and the grandness of the haystack became more beautiful. I was always captivated by its beauty. Sometimes it felt as if I was in a trance, but I did not care I loved that feeling of being trapped.
Just as the trance like state I was in would become stronger my dream friend would call out to me and break that hold on me. Somehow our hands were apart and I never asked myself why. I guess I was too much at peace to even care. As he called my name I turned slowly and looked towards the sound of his voice. In an instance he was twenty feet in front of me. As I walked towards him it seemed as if the walk went slower than I could move. For every step I took it appeared to have three more steps before it. I began to get frustrated and my frustration allowed me to get to him more quickly. Finally, I reached him.
When I reached him he held out his hands and I grabbed it. I remember looking at his face and feeling like I had just come in from a winter storm and his spirit was like hot chocolate waiting to warm me from the inside out. It appeared that he was smiling at me, but I could only imagine it because his face was blurry. When this warm and fuzzy feeling would start to build I could feel myself floating. I never wanted to let go of this feeling. I felt something more was coming, but I could not tell what exactly. Just as it built I would wake up.
As I aged the dream boy aged with me also. I never thought it to be strange just comforting. I also noticed that when my life became stressful I would fall asleep and he would appear. I think maybe I wanted him to come to me. I found myself wanting to be stressed just to see him. I used to ask myself if I was losing it because I was in love with this person that only lived in my dreams. I think maybe I really did not care I just knew he made me very happy.
I married and had children, so I saw my dream friend less and less. I guess I staid so busy that my dream friend had to take a back seat. I missed him often; no I missed him all the time. I saw a huge problem in my marriage and as the stress increased my dream friend start making appearances again. This time our meeting felt different. He felt like he was not mine anymore. I did not know how to explain my feelings. I followed the same dream sequence as before, but it felt strange.
Four years later I went on a date with my oldest daughter. We went to see a horror film. I felt so lonely. I was in a shell that seemed to be my body, but someone else was operating it. I would turn and smile at her from time to time not to hurt her feelings. I remember thinking what a waste my life was turning out to be. I wished I could go to my dream state and live forever. Just as I began to stare off something caught my eye. I was looking down at the ground when I noticed a figure coming close to me. I looked up and a beautiful person stepped in front of me. He said words to me, but my vocabulary became empty. I knew how to talk, but I don’t think I spoke English.
He and I spoke the rest of the time I was at the movies. After that my life changed for the best and the worst. I went home that night and looked at my husband and I knew I did not belong there anymore. I packed my bag and left. I left my home. I left security. I left my children. I left myself. As the days went on I realized that I did all of this for someone that could not feel the same as I did. Here is the strange part. I told him he seemed so familiar to me, but I could not figure it out. He would say the same about me. That night I went to sleep. I felt the old familiar dream starting. This time I did not want to see him, I could not face my dream friend. I had found peace and I did not need him anymore. How could I get out of this dream? I could not stop the dream. The same thing happened, but there was something new that I didn’t expect. Just like the end of the dream I grabbed his and he looked at me and then I would wake up. This time I didn’t wake up he looked at me and I finally saw his face clearly. I jumped out of my dream with tears falling from my face like Niagara Falls. I could not believe my eyes. It was the man I had just met.
We talked a couple of hours after that. He began to speak of an imaginary friend he had and it sound very familiar. We had the same dream about one another. We have been in each others lives ever since then.